The Lord gave and The Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

In loving memory of my first miscarried baby.

I feel so blessed that God has given us the gift of being parents. I don't know how I could live without our children anymore. 

When I met my husband, he didn't want kids. I went along with him because I loved him so much. I knew that if God wanted us to have kids that He could change his heart. After a year and a half of marriage, my husband all of a sudden decided one day that he wanted kids. I was excited and it was only then that I told him of my secret desire to have children. It was all God. 

About five months later we were pregnant with our sweet son. He has brought so much joy to our lives and he made being parents so easy. 

After a few months we were talking about having more. Sooner than we thought we found out that we were expecting our second (thanks to 5 positive pregnancy tests). A week later I miscarried. Our son was only six months old. They would have been fourteen months apart. I cried when I found out for sure that the baby was gone. But then I realized that God was in control and that He can see the whole picture. He knows what is best even if I never find out why. I was thankful that God allowed it to happen early before I could even see the baby. I can't even begin to imagine losing a baby in the last months of pregnancy. 

Four months later we were pregnant again. When our daughter was born I realized one of the reasons for our loss...if I had not lost that sweet baby I wouldn't be holding this precious child in my arms. God knew we needed this child with all her dramatic ways. She is a handful but I know that God is going to use her persistence in great ways. We joke and say that if we had her first our son wouldn't be here. 

I didn't have peace about calling two complete. Really the only thing truly holding me back is...where in the world will we put them (we live in a tiny cabin).  So, the first week in October we found out that we were pregnant again. When we first thought it was a possibility we were excited and not overwhelmed. I had a peace about it. Children are a gift from God no matter what society says about it. Well, exactly like before I miscarried a week later. It's amazing how in a week you can get so excited and get use to the thought of three kids (very close in age). But again I knew that God is in control. 

I often wonder what my two missing children would be like. Why did God choose to take them? But I do know that God uses tragedy to mold us into what he wants us to be. I just have to trust him.

In loving memory of my 2nd miscarried baby.